I moved to north america in my early preteens with my family. All my siblings were in late teens when they moved. The only memory I have of back home is childhood- going to school, playing with friends, dinner and go to sleep ANND repeat. I have no memory or understanding of the ideology of back home. Being brought over to a new country at such a young age meant that as i grew up my thinking, values, ideas, and awareness was north american. I was the youngest of my family to immigrate with them. As I grew up, I felt more and more disconnected from the way my family and siblings think and the way i think and see the world. Values and things i believe in are ridiculed or silenced in my "indian" family. Im in my 20s now and I just feel so isolated. i feel so stuck around people that never have, dont, and never will understand me. Every ideal i have i have to fight for in my family. I feel like the odd one out bc being the youngest to move, my thinking is so different from them. I just wanna know if im the only one or if theres other people like me and how you all deal with it- the disconnect, the struggle.
I can totally understand what you are saying. I am a South African Indian, and my family has been in South Africa for 5 Generations as we where brought over by the British. I actually hated being Indian while i was growing up because of all the bad sterotypes that surround us. I also believed that i didn't actually have an indian identiy because I am also a christian so I was raised with the values that is associated with that religon. for me i just looked like an indian but i never really was.
But this weird ass thing happened to me when I went to teach abroad. I went to teach in a very homogenous society and the communities were not very mixed. So people that i worked with thought I was black because I am from Africa and I am a darker skinned Indian. That made me realise that I am indian and even though I am disconnected from the culture I do have similar experiences with other indians around the world.
Your story is not the same as mine but i wanted to let you know that i do get it. I understand what it means to be disconnected from a culture, and even though your parents don't understand there are others out there that honestly get what you are saying and probably are going through something similar to you.
Why you describe is absolutely normal. I am 63 and my parents moved to the UK when I was 3 months old. I was born in India. My brother and sisters were born in the UK. My mother-86 and tough as nails-really still resides mentally in the ancestral village, though she did adapt in some ways. My father adapted better but in certain areas, neither understood that we are all really "English". Neither did the English. So I hve never felt accepted anywhere-but I have turned this into a strength-I can live anywhere and adapt. I have lived in the US more than half my life. I am a "western Woman" but I have very few Indian friends as they often see me as a battleground for competing ideologies. I have to say I am Indian or they are offended and act as if I am rejecting them. I am Indian-But only up to a certain point-I wear saris at black tie events-very cutting edge ones-cook Indian food, but I do not think like an Indian at all. I am very proud of my heritage, but I am different. Everyone has to sort this out for themselves, develop a strong sense of self, and defend it. There are people out there who will understand. It takes time. I dealt with it by leaving home at 18 to go to university. I wish my parents had been more understanding but they weren't. My mum still doesnt get it-she is always shoving Indian stuff down my throat-thats why I live in the US.