an indian teen girl questioning sexuality but IS CONFUSED!𤡠(827 views)
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Post by idk on Aug 6, 2018 18:53:37 GMT
Hi. I am an Indian and I think that I'm gay- or I think that I'm bisexual- I DON'T KNOW.
All of my life, I've noticed that I never really thought that boys were that cute like my friends did. So, in elementary school, I kind of faked a crush on a boy. I just thought that I had to. Also, in middle school, my friend had this whole year of "boy drama" and I just tagged along and tbh it was so stupid and annoying. I had this period of time where I looked at her crushes and thought I had feelings for them (and I would write about it in my diary, talking about them, lmao). But, looking back at that now, I wasn't attracted to them.
One of those boys, I sort of know now, and I still have this little feeling of "act cool, don't be weird" around him but I look at his face and think, "wow, I am defffffinitely not attracted to him" (no offense dude sorry lol). So, yeah, I've never been attracted to any guys really but I still have that feeling in me, and that's why I'm confused. I am definitely not straight, so no confusion there but, I don't know.
I recently visited my out of state childhood friend and another childhood friend that I hadn't seen in a really long time and we were just talking while eating dinner, and we ended up talking about our fav shows to watch on Netflix and she was talking about Riverdale. She is was talking about how "hot" Archie was aka KJ Apa. I told her I didn't agree, and I thought to myself "I can kinda see how he is considered hot by all of these fangirls but nope." (also I just hate Archie anyways, he's really stupid in season 2, don't come for me Riverdale and Archie stans). I just think that girls are pretty and I don't know if my weird feeling is a little bit of an attraction to boys or not.
So, am I gay, bi, or should I just identify as queer? I know there isn't a checklist that confirms everything but damn, I wish there was. I am actually fine with being queer but I did have a moment where I was nervous to discover this part of me I didn't think was possible, mostly because of the negativity around homosexuality with brown people. Soooo yeah, someone please shower me with your wisdom and help a girl out. Btw, I love this forum and how people seem to be getting help with the problems we face every day as Indians, feminists, lqtbq+, etc. Good job Indian Feminist and love how your insta x
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pc
New Member
I have made 2 posts
Right now I'm Offline
I joined August 2018
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Post by pc on Aug 7, 2018 12:59:10 GMT
I'm go through something like this too...I'm really confused if I'm gay or bi...but I guess that's fine...I'm taking my time...not rushing anything...tags are just tags, they don't serve any important purpose for me.
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Post by idk on Aug 7, 2018 20:47:30 GMT
pc yea I guess. I'll take my time.
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pc
New Member
I have made 2 posts
Right now I'm Offline
I joined August 2018
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Post by pc on Aug 7, 2018 20:55:21 GMT
Just see what works for u best.
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Post by arryk on Aug 13, 2018 23:36:08 GMT
Hi! I'm replying to this because I went through a similar thought process all through middle school/high school and now I'm 30 and still don't quite know how to refer to myself. I use the term "queer" only because it's easy to use an umbrella term while I figure it out. But honestly, my conclusion is that society puts way too much pressure on labels and identifying ourselves as something and it's really just so other people know how to refer to each other. It doesn't change what I feel or like or who I am. I also used to fake crushes on boys, and didn't know how to describe my attraction to girls. Like, did I just think they were pretty and I wanted to be like them, or did I *like* like them. I've since had relationships with both men and women and I think I just find people beautiful, but I know I'm happier when I'm with women.I don't identify that as being a lesbian/gay, or even bisexual, because I just don't see a reason to.
As for being Indian and the stigma...it's painful. I haven't told my parents about any of my relationships, but I am definitely more terrified to tell them about the fact that I like women. My advice is that if there is anyone in your Indian community of friends and family, it feels like such a weight off your shoulders to confide in someone - anyone. I told my brothers and they were super supportive (I get that it won't be everyone's experience). I've also found a lot of queer south asian groups in my area that I've attended before just to hear others' stories and realizations. Like at this point in my life, I am more attracted to women and happiest dating women, and I can't stand the idea of being close to a guy. But, that might change down the road and you just never know.
P.S. Archie is also one of my least favorite characters on Riverdale and I have zero understanding of the attraction girls have for him.
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Post by Fifi on Aug 13, 2018 23:37:43 GMT
Hi, I donât think you should necessarily put yourself in a box for now. Experiences, a ton of them, will definitely help you consider the situation more accurately. Now if you are asking because youâre thinking of coming out, especially when you have an indian family(of course not meaning every indian family is against different sexualites), I can understand why you would first want to consider every option in order to have real words to describe how you are feeling, to make it easier. Follow your instinct for the rest, i wish u good luck  |
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Post by kfkdjdjdjd on Aug 14, 2018 0:59:38 GMT
     Hi. I am an Indian and I think that I'm gay- or I think that I'm bisexual- I DON'T KNOW.      All of my life, I've noticed that I never really thought that boys were that cute like my friends did. So, in elementary school, I kind of faked a crush on a boy. I just thought that I had to. Also, in middle school, my friend had this whole year of "boy drama" and I just tagged along and tbh it was so stupid and annoying. I had this period of time where I looked at her crushes and thought I had feelings for them (and I would write about it in my diary, talking about them, lmao). But, looking back at that now, I wasn't attracted to them.       One of those boys, I sort of know now, and I still have this little feeling of "act cool, don't be weird" around him but I look at his face and think, " wow, I am defffffinitely not attracted to him" (no offense dude sorry lol). So, yeah, I've never been attracted to any guys really but I still have that feeling in me, and that's why I'm confused. I am definitely not straight, so no confusion there but, I don't know.       I recently visited my out of state childhood friend and another childhood friend that I hadn't seen in a really long time and we were just talking while eating dinner, and we ended up talking about our fav shows to watch on Netflix and she was talking about Riverdale. She is was talking about how "hot" Archie was aka KJ Apa. I told her I didn't agree, and I thought to myself "I can kinda see how he is considered hot by all of these fangirls but nope." (also I just hate Archie anyways, he's really stupid in season 2, don't come for me Riverdale and Archie stans). I just think that girls are pretty and I don't know if my weird feeling is a little bit of an attraction to boys or not.       So, am I gay, bi, or should I just identify as queer? I know there isn't a checklist that confirms everything but damn, I wish there was. I am actually fine with being queer but I did have a moment where I was nervous to discover this part of me I didn't think was possible, mostly because of the negativity around homosexuality with brown people. Soooo yeah, someone please shower me with your wisdom and help a girl out. Btw, I love this forum and how people seem to be getting help with the problems we face every day as Indians, feminists, lqtbq+, etc. Good job Indian Feminist and love how your insta x  |
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Post by sđź on Aug 14, 2018 1:04:19 GMT
hey! i completely understand what you're going through, mostly because i was in the exact same situation myself. i understand how scary it can be.
i went through my gay crisis about a year ago. i remember taking a million quizzes on the net, hoping that they would give me a correct label. i call myself bisexual now, because it somehow feels right. i still do get a little confused sometimes, questioning if my attraction to men even exists, but the truth is - it doesn't matter.
sexuality is extremely fluid and can change over time. i know some people who used to identify as bi but later realized that they were actually lesbian. rather than dwelling upon what to call yourself, take the time to accept yourself and get comfortable with who you are.
the lgbtq+ community is a space where everyone feels included, and accepted. you don't have to be forced to fit into another box here.
wow, i sound super wise but honestly i'm still very confused about myself. but that's okay, i guess.
love from one indian teen to another, hope you find peace within yourself.
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Post by kfkdjdjdjd on Aug 14, 2018 1:04:55 GMT
iâm currently going through a similar thing. iâve had girlfriends in the past, but now iâm also a little conflicted. the thing is with indian parents is that they suck when it comes to lgbt related topics, so you just have to resort to the internet lol. thereâs no need to put a label on anything, but the way i see it is, you could be bi, you just canât name a certain type for boys, or youâre gay, like me, where you feel strong attraction towards girls. now, just cause ur gay doesnât mean you canât say things like âoh heâs cute, oh heâs hotâ like i find myself sayin these things often, but like i donât feel attracted to them or anything. finding your sexuality can be a lengthy process but just know that there r ppl willing to help u.
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Post by idk on Aug 14, 2018 2:29:09 GMT
Hi! I'm replying to this because I went through a similar thought process all through middle school/high school and now I'm 30 and still don't quite know how to refer to myself. I use the term "queer" only because it's easy to use an umbrella term while I figure it out. But honestly, my conclusion is that society puts way too much pressure on labels and identifying ourselves as something and it's really just so other people know how to refer to each other. It doesn't change what I feel or like or who I am. I also used to fake crushes on boys, and didn't know how to describe my attraction to girls. Like, did I just think they were pretty and I wanted to be like them, or did I *like* like them. I've since had relationships with both men and women and I think I just find people beautiful, but I know I'm happier when I'm with women.I don't identify that as being a lesbian/gay, or even bisexual, because I just don't see a reason to. As for being Indian and the stigma...it's painful. I haven't told my parents about any of my relationships, but I am definitely more terrified to tell them about the fact that I like women. My advice is that if there is anyone in your Indian community of friends and family, it feels like such a weight off your shoulders to confide in someone - anyone. I told my brothers and they were super supportive (I get that it won't be everyone's experience). I've also found a lot of queer south asian groups in my area that I've attended before just to hear others' stories and realizations. Like at this point in my life, I am more attracted to women and happiest dating women, and I can't stand the idea of being close to a guy. But, that might change down the road and you just never know. P.S. Archie is also one of my least favorite characters on Riverdale and I have zero understanding of the attraction girls have for him. |
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Post by idk on Aug 14, 2018 2:33:28 GMT
Hi! I'm replying to this because I went through a similar thought process all through middle school/high school and now I'm 30 and still don't quite know how to refer to myself. I use the term "queer" only because it's easy to use an umbrella term while I figure it out. But honestly, my conclusion is that society puts way too much pressure on labels and identifying ourselves as something and it's really just so other people know how to refer to each other. It doesn't change what I feel or like or who I am. I also used to fake crushes on boys, and didn't know how to describe my attraction to girls. Like, did I just think they were pretty and I wanted to be like them, or did I *like* like them. I've since had relationships with both men and women and I think I just find people beautiful, but I know I'm happier when I'm with women.I don't identify that as being a lesbian/gay, or even bisexual, because I just don't see a reason to. As for being Indian and the stigma...it's painful. I haven't told my parents about any of my relationships, but I am definitely more terrified to tell them about the fact that I like women. My advice is that if there is anyone in your Indian community of friends and family, it feels like such a weight off your shoulders to confide in someone - anyone. I told my brothers and they were super supportive (I get that it won't be everyone's experience). I've also found a lot of queer south asian groups in my area that I've attended before just to hear others' stories and realizations. Like at this point in my life, I am more attracted to women and happiest dating women, and I can't stand the idea of being close to a guy. But, that might change down the road and you just never know. P.S. Archie is also one of my least favorite characters on Riverdale and I have zero understanding of the attraction girls have for him. OMG HAHA yes dude i legit dont know anyone else who doesnt like Archie this is great! |
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Post by idk on Aug 14, 2018 2:35:59 GMT
hey! i completely understand what you're going through, mostly because i was in the exact same situation myself. i understand how scary it can be. i went through my gay crisis about a year ago. i remember taking a million quizzes on the net, hoping that they would give me a correct label. i call myself bisexual now, because it somehow feels right. i still do get a little confused sometimes, questioning if my attraction to men even exists, but the truth is - it doesn't matter. sexuality is extremely fluid and can change over time. i know some people who used to identify as bi but later realized that they were actually lesbian. rather than dwelling upon what to call yourself, take the time to accept yourself and get comfortable with who you are. the lgbtq+ community is a space where everyone feels included, and accepted. you don't have to be forced to fit into another box here. wow, i sound super wise but honestly i'm still very confused about myself. but that's okay, i guess. love from one indian teen to another, hope you find peace within yourself. Thank you đ |
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Post by Gurl on Aug 14, 2018 5:33:02 GMT
Hey! I'm in the same place as you rn and I think I identify as bisexual. It can be especially hard for us brown girls to deal with our sexualities, but it is key to experiment. Don't feel the need to put labels on yourself. It'll make you more confused. I personally just went with the flow,sometimes I like girls,most of the time I like guys. It might take a while,but the end result is you being confident with who you are,and understanding yourself. Don't be afraid to take that step. Hope this helps.
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Post by Gorl on Aug 14, 2018 5:35:38 GMT
Hey! I'm in the same place as you rn and I think I identify as bisexual. It can be especially hard for us brown girls to deal with our sexualities, but it is key to experiment. Don't feel the need to put labels on yourself. It'll make you more confused. I personally just went with the flow,sometimes I like girls,most of the time I like guys. It might take a while,but the end result is you being confident with who you are,and understanding yourself. Don't be afraid to take that step. Hope this helps. And also please don't rush,and if you are in an unsafe environment,please don't risk yourself, so make sure you are in a safe environment to experiment, and if not,work on finding an environment in which you can try things out. |
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Post by asdfghjkl on Aug 14, 2018 7:56:43 GMT
I can relate to this sooooo much as I was also questioning my sexual identity, and tbh I'd say the best way to go about it is by taking your time and trying to take every option as a possibility. Also, it would be really helpful if you were able to speak to someone you felt like you could trust (which doesnt necessarily have to be a family member eg i spoke to teachers about it) because it deffo helps to take a bit of weight off of your shoulders! I still havent told my family that i dont feel sexual attraction to boys (im 17) and I'd say that it's best to ensure that you do have a safety net when you do choose to come out in case all goes to worst (it will probably take time for homophobic indian parents to come to terms) so i'm just gonna wait until i'm on my own two feet to tell them. I wish you all the best and I hope this helps you! X
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