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Post by Hkb97 on Aug 20, 2017 13:33:38 GMT
My mum is so strict like she'll tell me not to speak to boys and has sent me to an all girls school but still expects me to marry a brown guy in a few years time? I'm 20 now and she has spoken about marriage before and it's crazy to me because at this current point in my life, that is the last thing I want. It's just insane how she wants me to have no contact with males but still expects me to spend my life with one in a few years time. Is anybody else's mum as insane as this  ? |
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Post by skh on Aug 20, 2017 18:56:33 GMT
YESSS! Trust me your not alone! i think lots of brown parents have this mindset and its honestly so stupid! Do your best bbg, you are your own person and you have the right to make choices on your own. speak up about the issue, try to make your parents understand how you feel. No matter how strict they may seem, they are still your parents and they love you. Eventually, you can be the one who shifts their mindset, and you can help them open their eyes to see that life is about more than just marriage.
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Post by A.M on Dec 26, 2017 5:35:04 GMT
I am a 16 year old girl who happens to be in a secret relationship with my best friend.Its a long story,but him and I are extremely committed to each other.With school,my parents think I don’t work hard,but I’m actually good grades.They make me feel like I’m not doing enough,and I find it hard to love them because of the way they treat me.My mum in particular mocks me,judges me for every action or decision I make,and I’ve been abused by them in so many ways.I don’t know what to do now,I just feel like giving up on life,and myself,because I feel like I’m not worth it anymore....
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Post by Nivi on Aug 6, 2018 16:11:29 GMT
My mom is planning to get me married young. So that she can die in peace. I love a guy. He's the best thing that's happened to me. I think I finally have the guts to leave my home. Even though my parents have done a lot for me they were just doing it for the society so that they can get me married they love me but they don't respect me. So I'm planning to run away from home, not with my guy or for my guy. But for me to build a life for myself.
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Post by Pr on Aug 6, 2018 22:06:25 GMT
Hey Nivi, I know it may seem very impossible at the moment, but try to talk to your parents about this guy. Share your perspective on why he'd make you happy and is a logical choice. Times may seem tough but when you look at the bigger picture, your parents do love you and wish to see you happy. Don't run away from the situation, fight like a tigress and make your wish come true.
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Post by Nash on Aug 10, 2018 3:54:17 GMT
I'm 22 years old and I have done my undergraduate degree and nearly completed my MSc degree at my local university. I was not allowed to go out of my city for uni. At the time I thought that was the worst thing ever but now I'm experiencing a new form of control. I have received a great job opportunity that requires me to move 2 hours away from my home town. Although my dad agreed with the moving out (because the job itself is highly respectable) my mum is still reluctant and now is saying she will live with me for a year for me to get settled. Like I don't know how to look after myself. This has really rattled me. I've been waiting so long to get a good job so I can move out instead of just marrying a guy. But now she wants to come with me. If I say something, she will just guilt me saying she's done everything for me and I'm acting like a brat. Idk what to do about my situation  |
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Post by Guest0405 on Aug 14, 2018 0:40:56 GMT
Hey nash,
I think you should have a discussion with your mother about how you think you are capable of moving out. They are just worried about your wellbeing and I can understand the feeling of being kept under control. Stay firm on your decision of living on your own. Perhaps say you will visit every other weekend to make sure that you are doing well. When my cousin moved to his apartment my aunt and my family went with him for a few days (less than a week) to help set up. Maybe you can tell your mother to come stay for the first week to help set up and you can prove to her that you are capable of staying there alone. Don’t fall for the emotional blackmail even though the guilt you would be feeling is immense. I wish you all the best!
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Post by Brown girl on Aug 14, 2018 16:13:40 GMT
My mum is so strict like she'll tell me not to speak to boys and has sent me to an all girls school but still expects me to marry a brown guy in a few years time? I'm 20 now and she has spoken about marriage before and it's crazy to me because at this current point in my life, that is the last thing I want. It's just insane how she wants me to have no contact with males but still expects me to spend my life with one in a few years time. Is anybody else's mum as insane as this ? As a mother myself and a desi woman I have made a vow to myself not to put any pressure on my daughter even when the time arises for talking to boys, what she wears etc that doesn’t matter as long as I teach her morals and how to respect herself. With desi society it’s all about the shame thought in parents minds that classic line log kya kahenge? Nothing is wrong with talking to the opposite sex as long as their are boundaries and if you fall in love so be it. The concept of letting parents marry you off with their choice just baffles me how are you telling your grown children who to marry and spend the rest of their life with? It’s your choice, your life at the end of the day just because a mother have given birth to you does not mean they can control your future and life always respect your parents but when they are wrong you just have to say it how it is. |
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Post by Maharani on Sept 21, 2018 13:39:23 GMT
Change takes time. I am 63 and was born in India and grew up in the UK. As a result of this culture clash I am still single. However, there is hope. My niece who is second generation English (her Dad my brother was born in the UK) has an English boyfriend. However, we-her dad and aunts, support her positively against my Mum (86 and very tough) who STILL, INCREDIBLY asks "Why cant she marry a boy from the village?"!! Aaarghh!! My niece is basically English. Has nothing changed? Well-I have concluded that first generation immigrant parents just want to replicate the home culture. They fail to understand their kids are going to be different. Asians have huge issues around freedom for women since all Asian cultures are strongly patriarchal. I don't know what to tell you except to share my thoughts on this subject. I left home to get away from it-I made a plan-to go to University-which I accomplished. It was not a perfect solution but it gave me space to create life for myself.
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