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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 11:37:49 GMT | To Top
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Post by Anonymous on Aug 20, 2017 11:37:49 GMT
Hey, I'm from California and I prefer to stay anonymous. I guess I'm on here because I was looking for some advice on an issue that has really affected me in my life. I guess I have a problem with accepting love and affection from people. I feel like this issue all stems from seeing how my parents marriage is and I hate it so much. My parents marriage is a nightmare. I've witnessed physical abuse, verbal abuse, and mental abuse since a child and I hate that my parents never take a second to realize how this could affect their children. My father is an amazing dad to me and my siblings but he is the worst husband ever. My mother has issues of her own and both them put together is a complete disaster and in some type of way it's really ruined a part of me. I can never see myself getting married, ever. I fear if I do get married I will have to endure all the B.S. my parents put each other through. My father is such a controlling man and he has a typical desi mentality that women should be a certain way. I will never be the type of woman to let a man control me. Because of that I fear of getting into any type of relationships because that's all I've seen in my parents marriage. Control, control, control-- and a whole bunch of abuse. I don't even know if they have ever loved each other or if they just stick it out because of me and my siblings. I just wish for a second they would see how badly it's affected me and my siblings in different ways. I don't want to end up closed off and being scared my whole life. I don't want to fear relationships my whole life because of the example my parents have set but it's so hard because this is all I've known.
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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 11:54:41 GMT | To Top
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Post by S on Aug 20, 2017 11:54:41 GMT
Girl I can weirdly relate to you! I used to feel the exact same way but then I met my boyfriend who is from the same culture as me but made me realise that actually I can love and rhat I can have a relationship where this isn't any control and instead just love. Before I met him I didn't even see myself getting married. What I'm trying to say is that there are defs men out there who will treat you with the love and repair you desire and who would be horrified by the idea of control/abuse! I'm so sorry to hear about your parents but remember your life is in your control! And you know deep down you won't settle for any guy who treats you less than you deserve!
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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 12:09:56 GMT | To Top
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Post by Love on Aug 20, 2017 12:09:56 GMT
You dont have to b afraid. Its your life you can do whatever you want to do. And you definitely dont have to be afraid of being in a relationship because it might be helpful to you as you will be able to share all this with someone open mindedly. Your parents are having such relationship crises doesn't mean you will have them too. The fact that your father 'physically abuses' your mother is really concerning. although he is a good father as you said but what he is doing or did to your mother is really inhumane and not to mention its a crime. Ithink you should talk to him when he's in a good mood about his mistakes and you should definitely comfort your mom and all that still continues I think you should suggest your mom to take actions againt it and you should stand with her in all her miseries
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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 12:11:08 GMT | To Top
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Post by A on Aug 20, 2017 12:11:08 GMT
Hey, I know how you feel. But seriously just take a moment and ask yourself if you really need a man to define yourself. I know you might have desires to fall in love, well, you should know that it'll happen when the time will be right and then you'll realise that your parents' marriage won't interfere your decisions that you'll make with that right person. But if you really think that you will never be able to move ahead with such a background, then I suggest you to talk to your parents individually and then together. Basically, be a barrier, know their stories and then try to solve their problem if you really want to. Because it'll be very complicated but it'll be worth it❤
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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 14:06:21 GMT | To Top
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Post by Neha on Aug 20, 2017 14:06:21 GMT
Hey, I'm from California and I prefer to stay anonymous. I guess I'm on here because I was looking for some advice on an issue that has really affected me in my life. I guess I have a problem with accepting love and affection from people. I feel like this issue all stems from seeing how my parents marriage is and I hate it so much. My parents marriage is a nightmare. I've witnessed physical abuse, verbal abuse, and mental abuse since a child and I hate that my parents never take a second to realize how this could affect their children. My father is an amazing dad to me and my siblings but he is the worst husband ever. My mother has issues of her own and both them put together is a complete disaster and in some type of way it's really ruined a part of me. I can never see myself getting married, ever. I fear if I do get married I will have to endure all the B.S. my parents put each other through. My father is such a controlling man and he has a typical desi mentality that women should be a certain way. I will never be the type of woman to let a man control me. Because of that I fear of getting into any type of relationships because that's all I've seen in my parents marriage. Control, control, control-- and a whole bunch of abuse. I don't even know if they have ever loved each other or if they just stick it out because of me and my siblings. I just wish for a second they would see how badly it's affected me and my siblings in different ways. I don't want to end up closed off and being scared my whole life. I don't want to fear relationships my whole life because of the example my parents have set but it's so hard because this is all I've known. |
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Smile
New Member
I have made 2 posts
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I joined August 2017
My gender is Female
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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 14:14:15 GMT | To Top
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Post by Smile on Aug 20, 2017 14:14:15 GMT
Girl I can weirdly relate to you! I used to feel the exact same way but then I met my boyfriend who is from the same culture as me but made me realise that actually I can love and rhat I can have a relationship where this isn't any control and instead just love. Before I met him I didn't even see myself getting married. What I'm trying to say is that there are defs men out there who will treat you with the love and repair you desire and who would be horrified by the idea of control/abuse! I'm so sorry to hear about your parents but remember your life is in your control! And you know deep down you won't settle for any guy who treats you less than you deserve! I completely agree to this. I was at a point in my life, when I stopled believing in love, until a guy came in and showed my new dimensions of love. I have more respect for myself now and the journey has been nothing but positive. More strength to you to overcome your fears. Trust me, it's all worth. Rise above your insecurities and fears. <3 |
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Fear
Aug 20, 2017 17:34:42 GMT | To Top
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Post by Star on Aug 20, 2017 17:34:42 GMT
Hey!!
Reading this I totally understand where you're coming from. What you're describing is exactly what I've felt living with my parents and their relationship. Honestly don't let it get you down or put you off at all. I've now been married for over and my husband is amazing and nothing like that. But, one thing I have to be honest about is the way I've been thinking in certain situations. Often when my husband would ask me to do something, I used to be like "no, why are you trying to control me" even when he was just asking nicely as anyone would. I soon realised that I'd become extremely defensive and anything he'd ask me I'd take it as him controlling me. I'd keep thinking back at the relationship between my parents. This became frustrating for him and we have discussed it. We definitely do take on traits that we have seen with our own parents and bring it into our own marriages (wanted or not). But, as long you're looking at the positives, continually reflecting and communicating in to marriage then you can shape it how you want it to be. All marriages are hard work but don't let that put you off because there's a whole lot of goodness in it.
And finally remember, every man is not the same. Don't be put off, just go in with a positive attitude. Hope this helps. S.x
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