Post by JustAnotherWoman on Jul 15, 2019 19:30:06 GMT
An outspoken woman's truth.
This is hard to write, in all honesty it is incredibly nerve wracking, but yet here I am. For context I am a young 30-year-old woman, who is as strong as she is insecure. Its a dichotomy that may be hard to understand and yet I hope someone out there relates. Till now I shamelessly cared very little for curating my life to fit a certain mould or wondered what lovely tidbits are said about me. I have always been outspoken and was not one to shy away from a conversation with my elders. From a young age, I challenged viewpoints I found to be dated - whether that was with my grandmother or my peers. I like many other women in my generation have lived life by own standards - which gave me a great sense of self-respect. This sense of freedom is what inspired me at a young age to follow my own path. I became a Lawyer, not because of family pressure, but because I recognized that knowledge of the law is one of the greatest tools a South Asian woman can have in her tool box. I do not consider myself dependent on anyone. While I appreciate that may not be a great feat, it is what I strived to achieve - that image of being beholden to my family or a man is not what I wished to recreate. This independence has allowed me to travel, cultivate valuable friendships, find love and build a life I am/was proud of.
So why am i writing this today? Why am I insecure? Well, because in the eyes of our beloved South Asian world I may be educated, well-spoken and independent, but I am fat. For many that one descriptor vastly changes how they perceive me.
To the age of 29, that did not matter to me. It was a fact, but not my truth. That was not some glass ceiling I could not shatter. I recognized that my worth was more than the weight on the scale and laughed at others who suggested otherwise. Today, I am having a hard time recognizing that difference, because I have hit a glass ceiling that feels akin to cement. That love I mentioned has become tainted by societal pressures, not on me, but my partner. No one wants a fat daughter in law. A reality I have come to learn the hard way - discussion regarding our marriage has halted. The joy of a new family and life together has dissipated, well at least for the time being, until i look like the ideal daughter in law. Evidently, the shame of having a fat daughter in law is an unfair burden I am placing on them, or so i have been told.
It's simple, lose weight, and they'll love you, right? Do it for them so they can keep their standing in society. But what kind of love is that?
Just a feminist trying to discern if his need to please his family and my desire to build a life with this man is worth stifling my opinions this one time. He does not agree with his family, but is unwilling to for lack of a better term "call them out".
Currently crumbling between being accountable to my fierce self and a woman who wishes to be accepted. Thoughts?
This is hard to write, in all honesty it is incredibly nerve wracking, but yet here I am. For context I am a young 30-year-old woman, who is as strong as she is insecure. Its a dichotomy that may be hard to understand and yet I hope someone out there relates. Till now I shamelessly cared very little for curating my life to fit a certain mould or wondered what lovely tidbits are said about me. I have always been outspoken and was not one to shy away from a conversation with my elders. From a young age, I challenged viewpoints I found to be dated - whether that was with my grandmother or my peers. I like many other women in my generation have lived life by own standards - which gave me a great sense of self-respect. This sense of freedom is what inspired me at a young age to follow my own path. I became a Lawyer, not because of family pressure, but because I recognized that knowledge of the law is one of the greatest tools a South Asian woman can have in her tool box. I do not consider myself dependent on anyone. While I appreciate that may not be a great feat, it is what I strived to achieve - that image of being beholden to my family or a man is not what I wished to recreate. This independence has allowed me to travel, cultivate valuable friendships, find love and build a life I am/was proud of.
So why am i writing this today? Why am I insecure? Well, because in the eyes of our beloved South Asian world I may be educated, well-spoken and independent, but I am fat. For many that one descriptor vastly changes how they perceive me.
To the age of 29, that did not matter to me. It was a fact, but not my truth. That was not some glass ceiling I could not shatter. I recognized that my worth was more than the weight on the scale and laughed at others who suggested otherwise. Today, I am having a hard time recognizing that difference, because I have hit a glass ceiling that feels akin to cement. That love I mentioned has become tainted by societal pressures, not on me, but my partner. No one wants a fat daughter in law. A reality I have come to learn the hard way - discussion regarding our marriage has halted. The joy of a new family and life together has dissipated, well at least for the time being, until i look like the ideal daughter in law. Evidently, the shame of having a fat daughter in law is an unfair burden I am placing on them, or so i have been told.
It's simple, lose weight, and they'll love you, right? Do it for them so they can keep their standing in society. But what kind of love is that?
Just a feminist trying to discern if his need to please his family and my desire to build a life with this man is worth stifling my opinions this one time. He does not agree with his family, but is unwilling to for lack of a better term "call them out".
Currently crumbling between being accountable to my fierce self and a woman who wishes to be accepted. Thoughts?