Interracial marriages (64,694 views)

Hey love,

First of all I'm happy that you've found someone that you truly love.

I myself have a white boyfriend. Im Pakistani but I KNOW we have similar cultures when it comes to weddings and expectations from Brown parents.

I am 20 years old and I've had my boyfriend for 4 years now.

The thing is my mom and dad are divorced.
I told my mom first. I told her that I've found someone that I love and I wanted her to meet him. I told her that we were dating too. She didn't like it at first. But as a lot of others said on this thread.
Start out slow.

I invited him home and introduced him to my mom and she slowly opened up to him. Later my grandmother came from Pakistan to visit and I was so eager to let them meet each other. My grandma loves him. She's now talking about when we are gonna get married and have children and so on <3
Now we hold birthdays, christmas and Eid together with his parents and my parents. And he comes and sleep at my house every other weekend and vice versa.

My dad is what you would call an alcoholic. But I told him over the phone that I had a boyfriend and he didn't really care as long as I was happy.

I think you should start slow by telling you've found someone who means a lot to you and you want your parents to meet him. And I think it is wise to tell them before meeting him that he is white but they shouldn't have any opinions before meeting him because of that.

The thing with Brown parents are that they want the best for you.
My mom and dad had an arranged marriage. My mom was 16 years old. It didn't go well and that's why I think my mom is open to the thought about letting me having a white boyfriend.

Every parent is different and every situation like this is different but I truly believe that if YOU show how much you love him and believe this is the one, they will too!

I hope the best for you. Fight for your love! You are not the only one doing it, so you are not alone! <3

Update***

So my parents know of my boyfriend but only as my friend and stuff not like we’re dating or anything. I think I’m gonna start actually bringing him over “as a friend” more and hopefully they can start getting really close and then I can ease them into it a little later cause I hate lying to them.

I’ve had my cousin get married to a while woman and her parents gave them their blessings but my mom was like oh the mother looks so upset I could never imagine doing that and I’m like oh... awkward. I just hopes this settles soon before my mom starts finding Indian guys for me 😂

Thank you for all the amazing replies btw I’m gaining so much confidence about this situation and I’m glad I’m not alone <3

Ladoos. Not ladies .

I’m not in this situation but I have family members who are. Look, you shouldn’t have to choose between your family and your boyfriend. Especially since you do have a great relationship with them. Introduce your boyfriend to your parents. Maybe not as your boyfriend right off the bat. Do it slowly. I’m sure you have had other white friends before. Introduce him as one of your friends and increase their exposure to him gradually in different situations. Maybe they’ll get to know him and like him without thinking of him as your boyfriend. (Tbh, I lived in India till a couple of years ago and i had to do this even with my brown boyfriend, because of course I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend.) once they know and like him then start singling him out of your other friends and inviting only him along with your parents. Don’t behave outwardly like you’ll are dating, be mindful of your parents sentiments (no PDA etc.) once they like him as a person, talk to your parents about a couple of things. They moved to this country in pursuit of many things. In that process they have had to make sacrifices. And one of those is that their children grew up in a country where there are white people. Explain to them that you have had the benefit of their way of bringing you up and at the same time the infrastructure and opportunities presented by western society. If they want the benefits of this society, they should also be able to accept its people as well. Most of the times, the reason parents want you to marry someone from the same community is so that you don’t lose your identity and culture and you don’t give up on the traditions that your family has lived with. Convince them that you will not. Educate your boyfriend about all of this, so that he doesn’t get scared off by your parents vehement opposition. Do this slowly and gradually and most people will come around. Try to appeal to your parents’ friends who have children who are happy with white people spouses.

The introduce him as a friend and then break the news that you’re dating a few days later has worked me. lol ok so this is going to make me sound like a meticulous manipulator but this is what we did and it’s turned out okay for us?? I’m Indian, my boyfriend is white and funnily enough we live at opposite ends of the earth (I live in the Middle East and he’s from Canada - we met at university). We fell for each other pretty quick and we had been friends for a year. He flew out and came to meet my family and I introduced him as my best friend. My parents didn’t exactly buy it, but we got away with it. I slowly started “confiding” in my mother, telling her that I like him but I don’t know if he likes me etc after he left (we’d already been dating for 7 months at this point). I talked about how good of a friend he was, instantces he’d been there for me, stuff like that to show that there’s more dimension to him than ‘white dude’. After a few more months I got sick of lying and covering up stuff because on social media your friends tag you in stuff and your entire family is like Oooooo who dat. So I talked to one of my older cousins and asked her to help me tell my mum, so the three of us sat down and told her the news, it was amazing to have someone on your side to help ease any tension (highly recommended). My mum took it alright, she said she saw it coming and was trying very hard not to show that she was uncomfortable with it and said “okay”. She then told dad about it. My family knows but I still find it difficult to talk to them openly about. They’re treating it as a “we’ll see what happens” situation, especially since we’re long distance now. The major issue I find that my mum has with it is “their culture” and by that she means sex. I’m trying to plan a trip to Canada to meet his family, who have been so wonderful and supportive of us, and when I’ve talked to my mum about going it’s just “log kya kahenge”. I love my parents and appreciate all they have provided me with but if I live my life according to “log kya kahenge” I’m not gonna do anything in life that I want to do. I’ve found my One and I am determined to make my relationship work. Do what you gotta do girl, live for yourself. Sending good vibes your way.

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